Alone. So alone........

     Sorry but, This is going to be a sad sappy post. I just need somewhere to talk to.. Today has been quite a hard one. The thing that makes no sense is that there is nothing that has made me feel this way on purpose. I have just feel like crying every minute today. As I sit here waiting hoping that I might just get one phone call or text or email or anything I realize that no one is calling or texting. Why did I seriously want to be left alone after Brandt left? Now that I am completely alone I feel like I have no one. The dumbest part is my family is so close! I know I love them I just don't have the energy to keep going to Salt Lake to see everyone. It would just be nice to have someone to talk to other than my dog. ha ha ha ha I sound so ridiculous!
     I know that I have tons of friends and family I just am not in the same part of life at all with any of them. All my friends are new moms, have been moms. Family is all so busy and trying to get on with their lives. I just feel like here I am husband less, no kids to occupy my time or give me something in common with my friends, waiting for school to really pick up so I can stop being so self loathing! Today I miss Brandt more than words can say! He is the one I go to when I can't go to anyone else. He is the one I say goodnight to every night, say my prayers with, eat dinner with I do everything with him and right now I do everything Alone. Sounds fun right? Maybe someday I will get used to the idea of being alone but I am not ready for that day!
     I am speaking on Sunday in church and all I can think of is how I wont have my husband there by my side to take up the extra time that there most definitely will be after I speak since my anxiety gets out of control and I ramble for a maximum of five minutes. I am so nervous and scared that my talk will not appeal to anyone. The worst part is that I wont have anyone to come home with to laugh about how fast I talked or mumbled over my words. I know I have a great ward but nothing makes up for the absence of your eternal companion. I really want to go to the temple but it is hard to go and know I don't have my husband sitting across the room from me , checking on me to make sure I am awake and wink at me.
      Like I said I am so sorry if you read this and all your thinking is wow she is nothing but whining. but really I feel like I have no one I can just vent to that will even understand me or just listen and actually care what I am feeling. Please do no be offended by this i just really needed to share how I was feeling tonight. I am going to go take something to hopefully help me sleep since I dread going to bed every night for the fact of sleeping alone. Have a good night and again I am sorry for seeming melodramatic.
Good Night , Here are today's pictures.

 Playing with rope

 on left

walking the board.
Shauntel Daniels